mosex

i had a damn good weekend
i normally do anyway,
but this one was extra awesome
and i'll tell you why, in three words:
museum. of. sex.
[parents, since i know you read this,
consider yourselves forewarned]

i'd never heard of the place before coming here,
and it actually got recommended to me by a professor at cuny
[shows how liberal new yorkers can be, i guess]
so, anyway, i went with one of my friends who was visiting
and we spent a few hours wandering around
and yes, there are photos,
you can find them here

first off, when you go in,
the lobby is filled with sexy shit to buy
they have tons of sex books, sex position guides,
calendars, trial sizes of lube, condoms, the works
the even had a wall of sex toys
some of them were funny [rubber ducky vibrator]
some were weird [pocket penis sleeves]
and some were downright terrifying
i think faye from q/c sums it up best:
'it doesn't look WEIRD, it's a lovecraftian HORROR!
it has non–euclidean geometry!
it TOUCHES PLACES THAT DON'T EXIST!'

so anyway,
the first floor we go through is all film
showing the history of sex in the cinema
it shows stag films, early nudies, 40s/50s euphemisms,
celebrity sex tapes, warhol films, you get the point

the second floor is all alternative artwork depicting sex, 'n stuff
the 'iron hole' photos were up there,
along with the rubber tit suit
there were a bunch of exhibits portraying sexuality
they even had realdolls
two of them, actually
and two partial ones you could grope
[i wished i'd taken photos of them]

the third floor is also artwork,
but this is stuff on a specific topic: condoms and stds
they had old pamphlets showing servicemen how to avoid disease,
newer pamphlets explaining how to protect yourself during sex,
and lots of art made inspired by/made of condoms
[hence the condom statuette and condom–grater]
there was a group of high school students on this floor with us,
and boy were they having fun
i can only imagine what their parents thought of the trip

the fourth and last floor was dedicated to science
SCIENCE!
they had a decent–sized display about human biology
explaining where we get our instincts and urges from
and a large display on sexual behavior in animals
they had a big wall of queer animal sex,
they had an area specifically devoted to monkeys
and then, my favorite area
the humping room
[that's where the panda statue was]
it's kinda hard to tell in that photo,
but back behind where the pandas were
there was a statue of an elk threesome
yes, you heard it hear first:
even elk want to get freaky sometimes

on the bottom floor of the museum,
they had the 'oralfix aphrodisiac café'
basically, it was an over–priced non–alcoholic drink bar
laden with herbs/spices/ingredients to boost certain traits
you know: endurance, seduction, virility, longevity, euphoria, &c
i forget which drink i had, but it wasn't that great
and like i said, over–priced
but hey, it was there, and i might as well


this place was fun, but kinda expensive
then again, everything in this fucking city is
so in that context, it was probly a steal
it's on the corner of 27th/5th if you ever want to go